carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This house was built for laser tag.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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