You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
