I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
