OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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