i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
