don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sober January is a disaster.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
