I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
