Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
