party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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