I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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