mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
