i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
