just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
