He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
