Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
