i would punch a child for taco bell
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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