First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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