I should be sponsored by Trojan
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i've created a new STD.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
