It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
