It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
