I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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