Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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