I accidentally burped into my bong.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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