Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
