There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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