just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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