found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
