The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
