Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
