Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
