I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
