my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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