Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You are the jesus of drinking
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
