but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
