I love black thongs
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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