Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
