She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
