that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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