someone get that fucking seahorse.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
