I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
