Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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