Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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