After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I cut my penus on the lid.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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