He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Two words: blizzard sex
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
