you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
