i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
