Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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