you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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