Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
