last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
