she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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